By Ray Dunaway


Several years ago the First Lady, in an effort to combat childhood obesity, introduced the “Let’s Move” campaign. Sensibly, part of the plan was to encourage kids to increase their level of physical activity.

The problem was in the input part for the equation.

Student favorites such as pizza were served only if the dough was whole grain. Trendy menu additions included quinoa.

The kids hated it.

But dammit! They’ll learn to eat it and like it.

Except they didn’t. Increasingly, they opted out of school lunch programs by bringing their own, or just sitting out the midday meal.

The latter option would reduce caloric intake, so there is that.

The new requirements were more costly to school administrations, and at the same time, revenues fell.

We may be talking “fail” here.

But obesity knows no age. Just about every television newscast emphasizes the crisis with images of headless fat people clogging our city sidewalks.

So what is to be done?

I’ve been thinking about this for several years, and think I have an answer.

First- the cause of the problem is obvious with every visit to the supermarket. Aisles jammed with variations and permutations of every food product known to man. Plain Lays chips too boring? Well try the bacon and cheese flavored crisps instead.

Tired of Pepsi? How about Cherry Pepsi?

And let’s not even start with the meat case.

The fact is, we’re offered too many choices.

And more often than not, the “smart people” are shocked by our nutritional decisions.

In their minds, it’s time to take control.

We eat to stay alive, to nourish our bodies. So what is needed is a nutritional food that will supply our requirements, while at the same time, control for our lack of wisdom.

Introducing “People Chow”, which will supply our dietary needs, but limit our intake of “unhealthy” foods. I know what you’re thinking; “Sure my dog eats the same thing everyday, but I’m not a dog!”

Of course you’re not. People Chow will come in various flavors: “Beef”, “Chicken”, “Fish” and “Pork”, and that will allow you to mix things up.

And to control caloric intake, your supply of People Chow will be limited to an amount per week that will be determined according to your Obamacare records, which will shortly be stored in a nationwide database.

I love it when a plan comes together!

The advantages are obvious.

No more wasteful energy spent shipping in Florida oranges to the Northeast in the winter.

Grocery stores will be smaller- much smaller.

Rachel Ray will be out of business.

And these changes will reduce CO2 emissions.

Win! Win! Win!

Contrary to what you may have thought when I first introduced the name , People Chow will not be made of people. That’s Soylent Green. And that’s science fiction.

Or is it?

 

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